I updated the disclaimer, because it has been a while since I did that.
~Disclaimer~
It probably isn't about you. It might have elements of you... most of it is a collage. If you really want to know, ask... I probably won't tell you, but you might feel better. It probably isn't about you. Don't get yourself upset assuming that it is.
Don't jump with both feet into your first impression.
And... please don't take any idea or emotion expressed here as representative of actual ideas or emotion. Because sometimes it's the kind of flame that burns out as soon as it leaves its source, sometimes it is an old wound reopened or just running fingertips over a scar that may or may not be mine, sometimes it's an old thing that has been turned over so many times it has no sharp edges left, sometimes it's a little of the madness, or the echoes of dragons. Sometimes it doesn't mean what you think. And sometimes it does, but how do you tell the difference?
Showing posts with label reflect. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflect. Show all posts
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Critic
Blargle! I wrote this, and then google booted me out and I hadn't copyed and it didn't save and I lost it all at 2 am and now I am re-writing it but I am a wee bit bitter about it. Saving often...
I read somewhere... no, more specific, I shall tell you where. I was reading poems on a webpage dedicated to poetry, and within the "Comments about this poem" section I read something that surprised me. A little more context - the poem was
Alone Looking at the Mountain ~ by Li Po
All the birds have flown up and gone;
A lonely cloud floats leisurely by.
We never tire of looking at each other -
Only the mountain and I.
Sidenote: I have always enjoyed this poem and I am... Insulted? Surprised? Amused? Concerned? that a poem that was writen back around 700AD in China and has managed to remain in circulation all this time was rated at 7/10 by the "internet". Seriously?? I shudder to think of what anchors these people.
Anyways... within the comments section was a person (hereafter designated "he" though my gender interpretation is based on a generically masculine username) who I believe was trying to suggest that the comments section wasn't for "this poem is so great, thanks Mr Po" comments (on the ground that Mr Po is a chinese man from 700AD and therefore does not speak english, and has also been dead for 1300 years) and should be more for intensive english analysis - what do the birds MEAN? And he concluded his statements thusly "Poetry is both emotion and reason, not simply one or the other!".
This comment interested me in a number of ways. Firstly Henry David Thoreau was extensively critised as being "lesser" to Ralph Waldo Emerson because he "overthought it". So it is clearly more complex than this statement leads us to believe. How much reason, how much emotion is required? A cup of one, a dash of the other? Those of us to aspire to Emerson and not Thoreau (not based on poet preference but on a lack of thick skin) require more specific guidelines for this information to be helpful!
Secondly I think that people over value critical analysis and under value emotion (and I realise that I may write emotively and therefore that I might be bias but hear me out). Yes, understanding the imagery allows a greater depth of understanding of the poets message, and yes often the greatest fun in writing poetry is adding layers of meaning by selecting the best images, the best stories, the most well defined words. So thinking critically about a poets work and what they could mean aside from the obvious has a place.
But I think first, before that, its about emotion. Perhaps the dinosaur is a metaphor for consumerism, for innocence lost or societal repression or parental restriction or overeducation or financial insecurity or childhood fears, but first and foremost if it doesn't make you feel like running down a half familiar corridor from an unseen monster with a sister you may or may not have then the poem is wasted on you.
What IS reason in poetry? I mean, what does reason mean in that context? Logic? Judgement? Explaination? Sanity? The only part of the definition that seems relevement is a basis or cause, and for the poem as a whole I say yes definately, but for each image, word, concept I think that is a very pedantic view.
And I think that there are other theories about what makes good poetry, good art in fact that may be more correct. A quote (from my favourite book - again I may well be bias here) goes "The finest paintings are nothing more than the red head of a flower, nodding in the breeze when you were two years old; the most exiting film is just the way everything was back in the days when you stared goggle-eyed at the whilring choas all around you." And I think this may be more correct, regardless of the effort put into the reasons, if the poem is not evokative of something inside the self then it isn't worth remembering or analysing, it doesn't have the sustainability of a great poem. And I bet that some of the great poems were accidents. I bet some of them didn't have nearly as much work or layers put into them as people attribute. Coleridge wrote down his opium dreams... I know a least one song off the top of my head that was actually intended to be about just what it seemed and yet plenty of people are convinced that it has much... more elusive meanings (and yes, I believe the writers, they don't have a good reason to lie about it and in the grand scheme why believe their writing and not their statements?). Because in truth, people superimpose their own opinions and beliefs onto others. A great example I saw one time "Dave Matthews must be christian, I mean, I have never heard him say specifically but I love his music so much and his music is so great"... I don't know about Dave Matthews faith either (actually I read the wiki, he was brought up Quaker but is now agnostic), but I can pull out plenty of lyrics that would cause a priest to aneurism (yeah, I like him, if you haven't heard him give him a listen, try "why I am" if you need a start point) however this listener in question was clearly ignoring any evidence contrary to their desired opinion which was probably based on their own faith and desire to believe that Dave Matthews shared that faith and holding anyone who did share that faith in higher esteem (and from their vibe distaining anyone who did not share that faith) - my point being that so much of the time our interpretations are just confirmation bais and subjective validation. (Actually, just go here and read the entire blog, its great.)
And I know, I am usually the first person on the "let people interpret it how they like" bandwagon. I stand by my pick-your-own-inference policy. But I really resent people forcing their interpretions, or any interpretations on others. To some people it is just a dinosaur, and nothing more, and they are good with that. Is the poem lesser because it isn't about interspecies relations? Are they lesser because they don't see a reptile liberation theme? No one should be forced to see anything in a poem, and I think it is contributing to the decline of litery enjoyment that some people are overthinking for meanings that were never intended and trying to force those with a simplier view point to do the same.
Maybe the poem is a cake, with many layers, and maybe the cake is fuller and richer if you have a slice with all the layers, but some people only like icing and some people have diabetes and you shouldn't force layer cake on person regardless of how good it is.
And I hope that if someone says to us, "man, I dig that dinosaur" that we can put aside our theory on the metaphor for the decline of the british aristocracy and think to ourselves, "yeah, that dinosaur is pretty intense" and just for a moment feel the texture of thick carpet beneath our tiny, adreline filled toes.
I read somewhere... no, more specific, I shall tell you where. I was reading poems on a webpage dedicated to poetry, and within the "Comments about this poem" section I read something that surprised me. A little more context - the poem was
Alone Looking at the Mountain ~ by Li Po
All the birds have flown up and gone;
A lonely cloud floats leisurely by.
We never tire of looking at each other -
Only the mountain and I.
Sidenote: I have always enjoyed this poem and I am... Insulted? Surprised? Amused? Concerned? that a poem that was writen back around 700AD in China and has managed to remain in circulation all this time was rated at 7/10 by the "internet". Seriously?? I shudder to think of what anchors these people.
Anyways... within the comments section was a person (hereafter designated "he" though my gender interpretation is based on a generically masculine username) who I believe was trying to suggest that the comments section wasn't for "this poem is so great, thanks Mr Po" comments (on the ground that Mr Po is a chinese man from 700AD and therefore does not speak english, and has also been dead for 1300 years) and should be more for intensive english analysis - what do the birds MEAN? And he concluded his statements thusly "Poetry is both emotion and reason, not simply one or the other!".
This comment interested me in a number of ways. Firstly Henry David Thoreau was extensively critised as being "lesser" to Ralph Waldo Emerson because he "overthought it". So it is clearly more complex than this statement leads us to believe. How much reason, how much emotion is required? A cup of one, a dash of the other? Those of us to aspire to Emerson and not Thoreau (not based on poet preference but on a lack of thick skin) require more specific guidelines for this information to be helpful!
Secondly I think that people over value critical analysis and under value emotion (and I realise that I may write emotively and therefore that I might be bias but hear me out). Yes, understanding the imagery allows a greater depth of understanding of the poets message, and yes often the greatest fun in writing poetry is adding layers of meaning by selecting the best images, the best stories, the most well defined words. So thinking critically about a poets work and what they could mean aside from the obvious has a place.
But I think first, before that, its about emotion. Perhaps the dinosaur is a metaphor for consumerism, for innocence lost or societal repression or parental restriction or overeducation or financial insecurity or childhood fears, but first and foremost if it doesn't make you feel like running down a half familiar corridor from an unseen monster with a sister you may or may not have then the poem is wasted on you.
What IS reason in poetry? I mean, what does reason mean in that context? Logic? Judgement? Explaination? Sanity? The only part of the definition that seems relevement is a basis or cause, and for the poem as a whole I say yes definately, but for each image, word, concept I think that is a very pedantic view.
And I think that there are other theories about what makes good poetry, good art in fact that may be more correct. A quote (from my favourite book - again I may well be bias here) goes "The finest paintings are nothing more than the red head of a flower, nodding in the breeze when you were two years old; the most exiting film is just the way everything was back in the days when you stared goggle-eyed at the whilring choas all around you." And I think this may be more correct, regardless of the effort put into the reasons, if the poem is not evokative of something inside the self then it isn't worth remembering or analysing, it doesn't have the sustainability of a great poem. And I bet that some of the great poems were accidents. I bet some of them didn't have nearly as much work or layers put into them as people attribute. Coleridge wrote down his opium dreams... I know a least one song off the top of my head that was actually intended to be about just what it seemed and yet plenty of people are convinced that it has much... more elusive meanings (and yes, I believe the writers, they don't have a good reason to lie about it and in the grand scheme why believe their writing and not their statements?). Because in truth, people superimpose their own opinions and beliefs onto others. A great example I saw one time "Dave Matthews must be christian, I mean, I have never heard him say specifically but I love his music so much and his music is so great"... I don't know about Dave Matthews faith either (actually I read the wiki, he was brought up Quaker but is now agnostic), but I can pull out plenty of lyrics that would cause a priest to aneurism (yeah, I like him, if you haven't heard him give him a listen, try "why I am" if you need a start point) however this listener in question was clearly ignoring any evidence contrary to their desired opinion which was probably based on their own faith and desire to believe that Dave Matthews shared that faith and holding anyone who did share that faith in higher esteem (and from their vibe distaining anyone who did not share that faith) - my point being that so much of the time our interpretations are just confirmation bais and subjective validation. (Actually, just go here and read the entire blog, its great.)
And I know, I am usually the first person on the "let people interpret it how they like" bandwagon. I stand by my pick-your-own-inference policy. But I really resent people forcing their interpretions, or any interpretations on others. To some people it is just a dinosaur, and nothing more, and they are good with that. Is the poem lesser because it isn't about interspecies relations? Are they lesser because they don't see a reptile liberation theme? No one should be forced to see anything in a poem, and I think it is contributing to the decline of litery enjoyment that some people are overthinking for meanings that were never intended and trying to force those with a simplier view point to do the same.
Maybe the poem is a cake, with many layers, and maybe the cake is fuller and richer if you have a slice with all the layers, but some people only like icing and some people have diabetes and you shouldn't force layer cake on person regardless of how good it is.
And I hope that if someone says to us, "man, I dig that dinosaur" that we can put aside our theory on the metaphor for the decline of the british aristocracy and think to ourselves, "yeah, that dinosaur is pretty intense" and just for a moment feel the texture of thick carpet beneath our tiny, adreline filled toes.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
roghnú
It's Irish for choose.
I am been thinking about choosing, and about choices just lately.
Firstly... I have been thinking about choose/choice semantically.
Choose is one of the words that is irreplaceable in english. Looking at the thesaurus entry for choose leads to such words as select or pick. However the virtue of choose as a word is not just the dictionary definition but the accumulated connotations, that prevent words like pick or select from being interchangable. Choose may simply mean to select one from many alternatives, however to choose carrys overtones of essential freedom.
The line is "free to choose" not "at liberty to select", and the word choice is overloaded with that implication, not just in America. If someone says they made a choice, we assume that choice was made without duress... people pick in emergancy situations or when they are forced to; while making a choice may be a difficult action, it is not a action made while constrained or supressed.
Agree? I think that's interesting.
Secondly... I have been thinking about choose/choice existentially.
Different people have different perspectives on what "makes" a person. The nature vs nurture debate stands strong, but additionally different philosophies maintain that "who we are" or "what matters" (whether from a spiritual, religious, or psychological/social perspective) is our actions, or our intentions, or our beliefs, or our kharma (our impact). And one of those philosophical positions is that we, as individuals and as social groups/societies/nations and humans, are the summation of our choices. Free will, in all it's glory and sorrow (and not necessarily with the religious connotations that are sometimes applied to that phrase). I think that's interesting.
Thirdly... I have been thinking about choose/choice practically.
All my life, I have been living in situations where I am free to make my own choices, but the repercusions of my choices effect not just myself. I want to be financially independant, I want to associate with people I like and to avoid people I dislike, I want to make spur of the moment decisions about the evenings plans. And none of the very wonderful people in my life would ever have stopped me from having these things that I want. But making those kinds of decisions effect the people in my life, not just me... Financial independance for example; while my parents approve of no longer being involved in my finances, it means my partner does not reap the benefits of dual incomes. And I want this badly but I realise that in practicality it is not the optimal conditions for him or for me... which makes it very hard to push my desires on the subject, let alone to talk about it reasonably. My options are to behave selfishly and be a bad and inconsiderate person, or to make choices not based on what I want but on what is best for everyone involved in my life.
Oh the things I might have done differently if I had known "then" what I know now. I might have fought harder to be independant from my parents, and I might have spent less money on food and clothes and more money on items that would last me longer and bring me more pleasure. I might have momentos of a time when I was young and independant and had no one to appease but myself. I might not have fallen so completely and thoughtlessly into a long term relationship before I had a chance to be beholden to no one except myself. And perhaps if I had made it all about "my life" back then, I would find it easier to accept that it isn't just my life now. Instead of feeling caged by obligation.
But one of the things I dislike most about myself is that I resent not being able to make decisions with only myself in mind. I do not seem to be able to just be selfish about it, and I do not seem to be able to gracefully accept the benevolent approach either. So instead, I am beneficent and resentful. And I am not just resentful of the people who benefit my efforts, but also of the people who ARE capable of making selfish decisions, and particularly those who make selfish decisions that effect me. It rubs it in... If I could just be more like that, look how I could live, and how much it would hurt the people I care about.
The problem, essentially, is that I don't want to be like that. I want to have been like that and grown out of it. Instead I learnt my lessons from other peoples mistakes, and now I wonder if it was worth it... My mistakes instead seem to be based on being too trusting and too reluctant to hurt people, and sometimes I think maybe the lesson I should have learnt was to be less trusting and more selfish, but the lesson I have come away with is to let less people in.
Ever wonder if you have screwed up everything in your life?
I probably haven't. My life is actually generally pretty awesome, and filled with some amazing people. Some awesome, confusing, crazy people cloaked in questions I can't ask and they can't answer and things I don't understand. Sure some of them are flakey and unreliable and I don't always know whether they care about me as much as I care about them, but in the grand scheme that isn't very relevent. My life is good, and if it isn't what I always dreamed it would be, that is probably a good thing because I was pretty convinced I would be a crazy cat lady and instead I dress in clothes that don't smell like cat pee and I actually get invited out places sometimes. (Back on track) I don't know that life can be this good if you screw it up. But I think I would appreciate it more if I had gotten to this point on a different path. If that is possible. Of course, all this musing changes nothing, I don't think my choices will change in the future because this is just who I am, and I don't think I will resent my life less and hopefully the people who know about this won't hold it against me.
It's just Dragons I guess. At the moment, the world is a little against me. Funny how when things are terrible you can't really talk about it and then when you can talk about it you don't really need to anymore.
I don't really think that is all that interesting, I just had to get it off my chest.
I am been thinking about choosing, and about choices just lately.
Firstly... I have been thinking about choose/choice semantically.
Choose is one of the words that is irreplaceable in english. Looking at the thesaurus entry for choose leads to such words as select or pick. However the virtue of choose as a word is not just the dictionary definition but the accumulated connotations, that prevent words like pick or select from being interchangable. Choose may simply mean to select one from many alternatives, however to choose carrys overtones of essential freedom.
The line is "free to choose" not "at liberty to select", and the word choice is overloaded with that implication, not just in America. If someone says they made a choice, we assume that choice was made without duress... people pick in emergancy situations or when they are forced to; while making a choice may be a difficult action, it is not a action made while constrained or supressed.
Agree? I think that's interesting.
Secondly... I have been thinking about choose/choice existentially.
Different people have different perspectives on what "makes" a person. The nature vs nurture debate stands strong, but additionally different philosophies maintain that "who we are" or "what matters" (whether from a spiritual, religious, or psychological/social perspective) is our actions, or our intentions, or our beliefs, or our kharma (our impact). And one of those philosophical positions is that we, as individuals and as social groups/societies/nations and humans, are the summation of our choices. Free will, in all it's glory and sorrow (and not necessarily with the religious connotations that are sometimes applied to that phrase). I think that's interesting.
Thirdly... I have been thinking about choose/choice practically.
All my life, I have been living in situations where I am free to make my own choices, but the repercusions of my choices effect not just myself. I want to be financially independant, I want to associate with people I like and to avoid people I dislike, I want to make spur of the moment decisions about the evenings plans. And none of the very wonderful people in my life would ever have stopped me from having these things that I want. But making those kinds of decisions effect the people in my life, not just me... Financial independance for example; while my parents approve of no longer being involved in my finances, it means my partner does not reap the benefits of dual incomes. And I want this badly but I realise that in practicality it is not the optimal conditions for him or for me... which makes it very hard to push my desires on the subject, let alone to talk about it reasonably. My options are to behave selfishly and be a bad and inconsiderate person, or to make choices not based on what I want but on what is best for everyone involved in my life.
Oh the things I might have done differently if I had known "then" what I know now. I might have fought harder to be independant from my parents, and I might have spent less money on food and clothes and more money on items that would last me longer and bring me more pleasure. I might have momentos of a time when I was young and independant and had no one to appease but myself. I might not have fallen so completely and thoughtlessly into a long term relationship before I had a chance to be beholden to no one except myself. And perhaps if I had made it all about "my life" back then, I would find it easier to accept that it isn't just my life now. Instead of feeling caged by obligation.
But one of the things I dislike most about myself is that I resent not being able to make decisions with only myself in mind. I do not seem to be able to just be selfish about it, and I do not seem to be able to gracefully accept the benevolent approach either. So instead, I am beneficent and resentful. And I am not just resentful of the people who benefit my efforts, but also of the people who ARE capable of making selfish decisions, and particularly those who make selfish decisions that effect me. It rubs it in... If I could just be more like that, look how I could live, and how much it would hurt the people I care about.
The problem, essentially, is that I don't want to be like that. I want to have been like that and grown out of it. Instead I learnt my lessons from other peoples mistakes, and now I wonder if it was worth it... My mistakes instead seem to be based on being too trusting and too reluctant to hurt people, and sometimes I think maybe the lesson I should have learnt was to be less trusting and more selfish, but the lesson I have come away with is to let less people in.
Ever wonder if you have screwed up everything in your life?
I probably haven't. My life is actually generally pretty awesome, and filled with some amazing people. Some awesome, confusing, crazy people cloaked in questions I can't ask and they can't answer and things I don't understand. Sure some of them are flakey and unreliable and I don't always know whether they care about me as much as I care about them, but in the grand scheme that isn't very relevent. My life is good, and if it isn't what I always dreamed it would be, that is probably a good thing because I was pretty convinced I would be a crazy cat lady and instead I dress in clothes that don't smell like cat pee and I actually get invited out places sometimes. (Back on track) I don't know that life can be this good if you screw it up. But I think I would appreciate it more if I had gotten to this point on a different path. If that is possible. Of course, all this musing changes nothing, I don't think my choices will change in the future because this is just who I am, and I don't think I will resent my life less and hopefully the people who know about this won't hold it against me.
It's just Dragons I guess. At the moment, the world is a little against me. Funny how when things are terrible you can't really talk about it and then when you can talk about it you don't really need to anymore.
I don't really think that is all that interesting, I just had to get it off my chest.
Friday, July 02, 2010
new look
I don't have a huge aversion to change, as a person. If I am in a situation I don't like, I think about it until I have a clear path, and then I change that situation. If I am friends with someone who isn't good for me or someone I think doesn't really care about me, I let that relationship fade away. Sure, I don't dye my hair, or buy into new fashion, but that is more about the cost and effort rather than the change. I will try almost anything. New and change aren't negative words for me.
As a person.
As a creative agent however, change isn't really my friend. Whether I am writing, painting, drawing, photographing, doing yoga, even just practising one of my instruments I am strongly influenced by changes. Every change. Changes in company, changes in weather, changes in location, changes in time, my changes in mood (both long and short term), my changes in perspective, the list goes on and ever on. The cat shifting in position can completely interupt my thought process, and another poem will never see the light of day. All the changes in other peoples lives surrounding me (as well as my own) over the past few years have influenced my creative interludes extensively, and I anticipate more changes in the near future. Who knows where that will leave me.
Today, I took a deep breath and changed the look of my blog. As you may be able to see. I don't even know if it is possible to change it back. This means little to me as a person, but a lot to me as a writer (I don't really think of this as blogging). I really liked the old blog style. The colours combined in just the right way to make me want to write something when I visit the page (which is often because it is my home page). But as a person I like change, and I tell myself that it is a good thing for me as a writer. This layout may induce me to write even more than the old layout! It also may completely drain my desire to write here. The plan in that situation is to try another new layout till I find something that works for me. I am making this change in the hopes that it will induce me to make changes that will lead to me writing more in general without the usual depression driving it, and undertaking more creative things in general too... The more creativity in my life the better I think. I am aspiring to creativity as my main mode of transport, rather than the life-raft I only find when I am half drowning.
As a person.
As a creative agent however, change isn't really my friend. Whether I am writing, painting, drawing, photographing, doing yoga, even just practising one of my instruments I am strongly influenced by changes. Every change. Changes in company, changes in weather, changes in location, changes in time, my changes in mood (both long and short term), my changes in perspective, the list goes on and ever on. The cat shifting in position can completely interupt my thought process, and another poem will never see the light of day. All the changes in other peoples lives surrounding me (as well as my own) over the past few years have influenced my creative interludes extensively, and I anticipate more changes in the near future. Who knows where that will leave me.
Today, I took a deep breath and changed the look of my blog. As you may be able to see. I don't even know if it is possible to change it back. This means little to me as a person, but a lot to me as a writer (I don't really think of this as blogging). I really liked the old blog style. The colours combined in just the right way to make me want to write something when I visit the page (which is often because it is my home page). But as a person I like change, and I tell myself that it is a good thing for me as a writer. This layout may induce me to write even more than the old layout! It also may completely drain my desire to write here. The plan in that situation is to try another new layout till I find something that works for me. I am making this change in the hopes that it will induce me to make changes that will lead to me writing more in general without the usual depression driving it, and undertaking more creative things in general too... The more creativity in my life the better I think. I am aspiring to creativity as my main mode of transport, rather than the life-raft I only find when I am half drowning.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
whelmed
There is too much going on. Too much.
And I would know, I can't hold onto perspective these days.
I feel like I am being pulled in a million directions. Everyone wants something from me. Attend this, do that, achieve this, be that.
I can't say anything, without it potentially being interpreted as pertaining to everything or anything else. And so of course, because for some nonsense reason that is just the way things work, it would be now that I feel most like shouting.
The world is spinning wildly on its axis.
I am screaming at the sky.
Shadows or dragons slide out from the corners.
And the message is for someone who does not know to listen.
And I would know, I can't hold onto perspective these days.
I feel like I am being pulled in a million directions. Everyone wants something from me. Attend this, do that, achieve this, be that.
I can't say anything, without it potentially being interpreted as pertaining to everything or anything else. And so of course, because for some nonsense reason that is just the way things work, it would be now that I feel most like shouting.
The world is spinning wildly on its axis.
I am screaming at the sky.
Shadows or dragons slide out from the corners.
And the message is for someone who does not know to listen.
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