aftershock

I know your secret. I know your secret and you didn't tell me yourself, making it even worse.
You were sure I would get upset about it, so you didn't tell me... what, to spare me the pain? Did you not realise I would find out, that I would have to know eventually?
So guess what? Someone else told me instead.
Now, not only am I hurt and distressed and angry with your choice, but I am hurt and upset and angry that you didn't tell me, that you have been withholding the information... basically lieing to me by pretending that nothing had changed.

If you had told me, I would have said I thought it was a bad choice. I would have said that it would effect our friendship a little, that we couldn't go on as normal but that we could still be friends.
Now... I don't actually think we are friends any more. I am not sure... but how can you be friends with someone who lies to you? how can you be friends with someone that you can't trust because they wont tell you the whole truth, and will make decisions that effect you and with-hold the information because they don't want to 'hurt' you, or they don't want you to be able to factor it into your decisions?
You didn't want me to make this choice? You can't influence my decisions any more than I can influence yours, and if you don't respect me enough to let me make my own choices then we aren't friends anyway.

This realisation would have left me curled up on the floor, shaking and sobbing and trying to breathe... but despite your lies and assurances, I admit I have been bracing for it. I have been guessing, from your silence. So I am not in tears yet, I am not shaking yet. I am sad, but I am calm. Maybe I am growing up, or maybe I am becoming jaded - what does it mean when the dissappointments and the betrayals and the lies of the world and the people in it no long leave you in tears and in shock and in pain?

Shift

He cheated on her.
And no one can quite believe it.
He just wasn't "the type", you know?
And suddenly we are in limbo.
If he can cheat on her, how can we be certain about anything? If we didn't see this in him, do we really know any one?
Perspectives shift, and we doubt the world and the people in it.
I hope they work it out though, because for all it is a major, I think they truly love one-another. It was a mistake... But then, what do I know? I never would have dreamed this.

saddest song, part 7

These two songs might not be on everyone's sad song list, but they are on mine.
I don't really have a good explanation for that.

Say goodbye - Dave Matthews Band

And tomorrow
Back to being friends
Lovers...love...lovers
Just for tonight, one night...love you
And tomorrow say goodbye

Even Superman - Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband

Everybody loves and everybody falls and everybody, everybody feels this way
Cause even Superman has kryptonite
Though he tries with all his might
Even Superman falls to his knees
Beggin' "please, please, please, please"
Beggin' "please, please, please, please"