with every goodbye

I have learnt something about myself. I have learnt that I only write (poetry, prose etc) about emotions and events I have processed.
This has in the past caused me no end of agony. You are supposed to write your feelings out, and use that technique to process and deal with things, but it doesn't work for me. And numerous times I wanted to write something to commemurate an event or convey some emotion only to find myself buried in a tonne of cliche and unrhyming monotony.
But now I know the answer. I write when I have processed. So my poems of passion never occur at the start of a relationship, but months after. I can't write a eulogy effectively, it may be years till I can commit anything that doesn't sound like rubbish to paper. I guess my mother taught me too well not to speak in anger, now the anger doesn't show till it is gone. At my most intense moments there are no words... words are something that come with silence and time.
And what this means, in my self discovery, is that if I have written about it, I have dealt with it. If I can write goodbye, I mean it. I am optimistic about that, a rare state for me.

"I have found all that glitters in this world is sure to fade away again"