Coin

Sometimes, I get the feeling that a few of my relationships are very one sided. I put a lot of work in, I make conversation, I arrange outtings... And I wonder what would happen if I just stopped, if I didn't contact that person and find things to talk about... One day, would they say to themself, Oh, haven't heard from her in a while, really miss her, maybe I will call her and ask her how she is doing and arrange to have coffee with her? or would they just never think of me again? or somewhere in between: would they think of me and never "get around" to calling? get distracted from calling? or assume that since I haven't called that I must be busy and not want them to call?
Part of me wants to say "lets see if they think I am worth making an effort for", and part of me is pretty sure that they don't think I am. Put aside the "of course I like you" statements (after all, social pressure forces such a statement if directly questioned), and consider whether their general conversation and behaviour implies the same sentiment.

Meanwhile, I worry that all the time and energy that I sink into these relationships means that I neglect some of the people in my life. There are people who probably feel the same way about me as I am feeling.
And then I worry that I am hurting the very worthwhile people in my life and cultivating the unhelpful ones.
And then I decide (and this is new for me) that I can't just assume that I am doing it wrong, my lack of self esteem is not doing me good; and that I should make a list of people I haven't seen for a while and see if I can organise to see them, or call them if they are far away.