Age

Does it scare you when I tell you that I love you?
Do you wonder what exactly I mean by that?
If they had told you then that one day I would be able to say that, would you have believed them?
Do you wonder at how time has passed?
Are we different people to who we were? Should we be?
Is change scary?

Its not quite right.

I think my brain is broken. I can't seem to help feeling... unattractive, unloved. Mostly unloved I think.

I know this guy, I am very fond of him. Few years younger, and single, and skinny, and beautiful, and a different person... But regardless, I am fond of him. He knows this girl, who is flighty, and bitchy, and rude. She whines all the time, flirts with everyone and sulks when she isn't the centre of attention, and tells people all about how "adventurous" and "open to new experiences" she is (which by the way is bollicks). Anyway he is in love with her, or close enough to it to be moronic when it comes to her, even though she treats him badly and has tantrums at him all the time, and uses his feels against him whenever it is to her advantage etc. It makes me feel very much like I am in a twisted time warp. I want to slap her about. And him about also. Or lock them into a room till they have sex and get over it.
Anyway, I don't understand why all these guys are madly in love with this trashy trashy girl... or rather I understand just fine, which is the problem. It makes me feel really negative about myself. I value things about myself - I say to myself that I might not be beautiful or attractive, but at least I have a brain, I am pretty good company, at least I am not that kind of person. I am not perfect but I am not like her. When she is the centre of attention, I end up thinking - maybe I am wrong; maybe it doesn't matter how good a person you are, or that you can hold up a conversation. Maybe what really matters is being skinny and pretty and telling everyone in earshot how you want to try all sorts of sexual experiments (and not following through on that).

I miss the people in my life who cared about me for me, and didn't have time for thick, false and trashy girls. Where did those people go?

"Belfast"
Katie Melua

I've got a ticket,
To the fast city,
Where the bells don't really ring,
Getting off the plane the cold air,
Rushes like bullets through my brain,
And I'm divided between penguins and cats,
But it's not about what animal youüve got,
It's about being able to fly,
It's about dying nine times,
Aah [x2]