Disenchantment

Have you ever really wanted something, like desperately wanted something; and seen that something become unavailable to you, slowly drift off into the fog of the unreachable; and felt intense despair, frustration, impotent rage at whatever shadowy figure you choose to hang accountability for disappointments on so you don't have to blame yourself or alternately impotent rage at yourself regardless of your own culpability; and then tried frantically to tell yourself that you did not desire that unreachable thing, that your apparent desire was to appease another or a flaw in your psyche or that the prize was not as wondrous as first imagined; even as you curl into a ball of misery and hatred and pain and heartache and despair while your self worth and small pieces of your sanity slip and spread viscously away through the grooves in the floor?

No, me neither...

Things have been generally a disaster and I am focusing on coping, and the things that I enjoy. At least, those things that I can still do, and still enjoy. Even if I have to trick myself or force myself to do them. I am trying not to feel angry and bitter at things or people who do not deserve it... or do deserve it but it just wouldn't help me. And I am trying to think about the good stuff, and not concentrate on the bad stuff. Like all things, I can get through this; and probably no less disenchanted at the world than I already am.

NZSpecFic Blogging week

It's New Zealand Speculative Fiction Blogging Week... well, the last day of it. I have had an ear infection so I only found out about it on Friday and since then I have been trying to work out what to write about. Hence the belated nature of my post.

I have never been outside of New Zealand. Not for lack of wanderlust though, just for lack of finances. I do not hold a passport as I have never needed one. However one day the world will be mine...

I have to make that clear, because that is my bias. I don't know any better (or worse).

I suspect that New Zealand is a large part of the reason for my inclination towards speculative fiction, both in my personal reading and in my writing. How can we not love fantasy, when we live in it? Compared with all I have heard of other places, our isolation brings us luxuries that other countries can only dream of. Within a half day drive of where I live, I can be on a snowy mountain top or a sun-kissed beach of golden sands or in the wind-whipped surf of the back-sanded west coast or in lush endless forest or surrounded by grasslands as far as the eye can see. There are trees, birds, living things here that exist nowhere else; the personal freedoms also. But we do not live oblivious to the rest of the world, multi-culturalism abounds. How easy then for us to dream of other worlds, other cultures, other realities, other beings. If there are fantastic creatures then here is certainly a place one would expect them.

She woke, all 4 feet and 2 inches of her, to the sounds of each member of a penny whistle band rehearsing a different tune. Her groggy thoughts edged closer to a simpler conclusion. The Puriri at the bottom of the back garden was laiden with pink fruits. The morning air was alive: with Tui, their bleached white cravats puffed against their iridescent suits; with Wax-eye, darting lime and grey streaks through the foliage; with Grey Warbler only noticeable by their song; and with Fantail looking in askance and expectation at the fruit flies hovering over the fallen plums.

She walked out into her morning symphony, thoughts on the story her mother had told her of two girls who had fooled the world into believing fairy folk lived at the bottom of their garden. On a day like this, her unruly curls shining in the dawning sun; she could feel the magic about her, she could sense revelry, she could believe that there were fairies and their like hidden within the green leafy depths before her. She tried to look out of the corners of her eyes for secretive movements, until she was distracted by the trilling cries of the birds in the Pohutukawa tree, and then by her mother calling out for tea. She dragged her feet slowly back toward the kitchen.

Against the sweet smelling lavenders, the fairy smiled, straightened it's bumble-bee costume, and launched into flight.

Silver coin

Mmmmmm such a good song. Beautiful. Wonderful sentiment. Sometimes I feel a thing and I get annoyed that there isn't a song that says that thing so that I can sing along. In those moments I want to write my own songs (as opposed to just lyrics which I do write... begrudgingly) .... a thought I step rapidly away from because how do you get it made into a song if it isn't "I kissed a girl"? I don't have the skill or talent for vocalizing my own lyrics, and don't have a stray illiterate singer to teach my words to. But this song captures a thing I feel in a way no other song does. Now I just need to find another song that talks about... another thing...

Lyrics:

Heard the rattle from the train

Sounds of a hundred people,
Maybe more
Cut through the ropes before you came
I had a dream that you were gone.

I'm in the days of throwing rocks
When I saw your picture on a silver coin
Stole a kiss through your golden locks
I had a dream that you were gone.
Woke up and you were gone

All the love has gone away
Cos I didn't have the heart or strength to say
I'll miss you when you're gone
I'll miss you when you're gone
I'll miss you when you're gone
I'll miss you when you're gone

Heard the rattle from the chains
This goddamn room it gets so small sometimes
I had a dream that you were gone
Woke up and you were gone

assorted thoughts.

She looked at him, her deep eyes darkened by hurt and betrayal, and he could not stand the unspoken accusation carried in her injured gaze. But perhaps worse still that she might give voice to the hidden, bleeding wounds he had so carelessly inflicted upon her. He stood mute, as did she, the moment stretching to years between them. With the shift of the world they moved on, two immortals become strangers in a web of silence.

Ways (make that A way, way in the singular) to annoy me.
- Taking a contrary position when I assert that I am or may be unable to attend a social arrangement. For sure "I really would like you to attend" or "I will be disappointed if you can't make it". But "You have to come!"... NO, I don't. I really don't. No force can compel me. And whilst you might prefer that I prioritize you over my future, and you might think to yourself "it is only one event", that isn't how it frakking works. I realise that I am generally compliant and compromising, and you might think that pushing your agenda will "make me realise it is REALLY important to you" and perhaps it is, perhaps it is a highly significant to you, but what your attitude actually says to me is that you don't give a damn about me or my life/obligations/responsibilities/commitments. I have things going on, and no, you aren't so special and important and fluffy that I am going to place your desires ahead of my needs. You know that what I am doing right now is important, and short term, and I am sorry if I can't make your events during this time, but I have to prioritize this and I have to do it now, and I'll make an effort some other time when I am not in the middle of my one opportunity to get this right. It isn't like this is the only time you have, your event could be some other time... perhaps that would inconvenience you or not suit your pretty picture of the world but if it was that bloody important to you then you could try to plan around me or put it off... or you can do it without me. I have deadlines, and I have time constraints. Don't be so gorram selfish, if I say no it is because I have a damn good reason, and I expect you to respect it or you can frak off. In the same situation reversed you wouldn't hesitate to say no to me. So here. NO, NONONONONONONONO. I am not going, and I don't care if you break your heart. So frakking there.

You know what bugs me about the song "Whiskey in the jar." Why would you keep whiskey in a jar? And to be honest, if there WAS whiskey in said jar, a few minutes later there wouldn't be, so the song should actually go "there was whiskey in the jar, but then I drank it, now I have a jar... maybe I will make some marmalade or something."

I need a drink, or five.
I don't sleep these days.

I consider you a stranger now.

There’s loneliness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart

Grey Street, Dave Matthews Band

Speculative fiction

Finally exams are over! Can't wait for the world to go back to "not insanely stressful"... Really can't wait, a little judicious use of alcohol can not be ill advised right? Mmmmm Whiskey, how I love thee, let me count the ways.

Have you noticed that sliced banana is nicer than whole banana?

So I started this post cause I wanted to tell you about this thing that I have fallen into. My dear friend togiren got me involved with this group of people, paid for my membership because she is aware that I am a poor student and thinks it could be good for me. It's called SpecFicNZ and the concept is that is a group of New Zealand writers who write in the area of speculative fiction, the 'what if' genres, fantasy, horror, science fiction etc and support each other and give advice through writing, rewriting, editing, publishing, and kind of mentoring. They do novels, short stories, even poetry. Which got me to think about genre, and that my poetry doesn't really fit into the specfic category... actually what got me thinking about it is that they run competitions and list for submissions for publications and togiren suggested I should submit to one and I really thought about it (whilst writing assignments etc so I didn't have time to actually write anything and was thinking if I had anything that qualified). I guess when I think of specfic poetry the only works that come to mind is la belle dame sans merci and the fairy folk... But, I kind of think I want to get into it, if I can come up with something that doesn't sound ridiculous and artificial. Because I would really like to be part of a community that is about writing... maybe I could make it into something I didn't do by myself and keep to myself and maybe I could find some self improvement, and some ways to improve my writing too, and maybe I could be part of something that I could be excited about. A real life hobby, that involves real life people. And I like these people, they are wonderful, and supportive, and I actually talked to HELEN LOWE! Who wrote this book that I LOVE called The Heir of Night... and I actually got fan-girl, and she was SO lovely, and SO helpful, and SO awesome... I think I really want this, and so I am terrified of both making it happen and also not making it happen, and really worried that I can't cut it in the genre regardless of how badly I want to.

I also think that I stress too much and over-think too much and get down too much and that maybe I should seek some kind of professional help for that... But what if they don't just laugh it off and say "you are fine". What if they say "yeah, you have a problem"? I don't want to have an actual problem, it is too much to worry about.

I will think about Specfic instead... maybe I should try to write something??

New Favourite

Oh, so, I don't have lots of time, nasty thesis thing about my neck, but a quick update of my two favourite new websites.

Website 1 - Musicovery

How it works is both elegant and simple. You move the mouse to where you feel your current desired "mood" of music would fall on the grid. The site loads a playlist of music of that mood, ie. the Mood Radio. You can then customise it by whether you want hit music and/or non hit music, and if you are heavily into music from the 80s, or you don't like anything put out after the 50s you can change the range on the timeline. You can also customise the musical genres played, so if you only want to listen to metal, or you love everything except classical there is a setting for that. You can choose to play an artist, and by pressing the play button on the artist name beneath the track you can play another song by that artist, otherwise the playlist continues on with songs of the same mood.

There is also a Dance Radio, where instead of selecting for mood you select by tempo and dance (which I guess is a function of how easy it is to dance to or something? Paint it black by the Rolling Stones is considered Dance +, One headlight by the Wallflowers and 1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins count as Dance -).

Generally awesome site for just listening to some music that you like and that is consistent in vibe, which I really like.

Website 2 - Logic puzzles.

I love logic puzzles. I get bored of crosswords (and the spelling is an issue) similar issues with acrostics and ciphers, cryptic crosswords annoy me, word searches are too easy. Sudoku get dull too, they are fun at first, but there is only so much fitting into the boxes I can be bothered with. But logic puzzles I love, I love the word clues, I love ticking the little grids, I love working out how things work together, and what clues exclude what aspects, etc. And this site a) provides a challenge by telling how long the puzzle took and comparing that time with other peoples, and b) easy, online access, no waste of paper. Brilliant.

Now going to do more work.

Secrets

by One Republic.

I like this song, I enjoyed the movie and the bit with the Tesla coils was awesome and this song has the violins and the cello and there is something really nice and open about the singers voice and the lyrics (until you actually read them, then its a bit disappointing, it isn't as well written as it sounds, the references to critics and albums and such breaks the immersion, so don't think about that...).

I heard it in a store today (immediately following an Adele song I like too) during my very quick "rush out of the house and buy a vacuum cleaner head and then rush BACK to the house to keep working on my thesis proposal" expedition that took longer than expected. Of course. A South African man proposed I marry his friend (the latter of whom had just told me that the wife of the former had previously been his wife for 15 years, and the formers proposal began with an assertion of the latter's wealth). Fortunately, I don't think they were serious, and I was amused.

The silence is screaming at me.

"I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away"

Song of the day : Little wing.

Jimi Hendrix.

This is one of my favourite songs. And no one does this song like Jimi.

I am really struggling with my stress levels at the moment, and I am recognising counter-productive behaviours. Irritation, apathy, exhaustion, depression. Procrastination, negative self talk, lack of focus, fretting (generally disjointedly and without a resolution), distraction, despair, inefficient and nonsensical "coping" strategies like eating all the chocolate I can get my hands on. Taking things personally when I shouldn't, when I know better, when to do so would be to subscribe to a different version of reality - one where leaky walls have hostile agendas. Its all there, the stuff I do in reaction to stress, which ultimately increases my stress levels. I am hoping acknowledgement is the first step.

"Fly on little wing, "

Song of the day : White Blank Page.

by Mumford and Sons.

Every time I hear this song I fall in love again.

There is something about it. Something beautiful, something raw, something almost... painful? heartbreaking? but at the same time captivating and comforting and ... yearning about it? It makes me feel devastated and exultant. It makes me feel.

I believe it. I believe he feels it. I wish it was about me...

I want it to be true, I want him really to have felt this when he wrote it, I want all people to have felt this. I want to believe that other people feel this way... and that it is this beautiful. Even the pain is beautiful.

I like that it is so true, and yet so vague at the same time, and yet I don't question what he is talking about, I feel like I understand completely.

"You desired my attention but denied my affections, affections

But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart."

Song of the day: Part 1.

I have been thinking about music a lot lately... mostly because I can think about it without thinking about anything else, but also because I can listen to music while I work and therefore it isn't on the procrastinations. A bunch of my friends are doing the song per day quiz that circled the blogisphere and is now a cool thing to do on facebook. I did the quiz back when, and I thought about doing it again via facebook then decided that I was just trying to procrastinate. I still consider it, it is still procrastinating. I then thought that perhaps it would be fun to do a similar thing with less guidelines, sort of a song that you want to write about today for whatever reason kind of thing. Because often I will get a song in my head, or a song will make me think of something... probably because that is what music is made to do. And so I thought that would be fun, rather than just the walls of musical text I have been presenting lately, a little more thought out, ordered, concise. Anyway, this is my first attempt at that, and if it doesn't work out for us, it may be my last.

My song of the day is Fire of unknown origin by the Blue Oyster Cult.

I came across this song watching Supernatural, and I wasn't familiar with it, probably because it was released and had it's heyday in 1981 which was before I was born. I am pretty sure this more mellow, less 80s metal version that I like is a cover but I don't know by whom and it may just be rebalanced or a weird recording. I like that it is kind of eerie. Because of the Supernatural soundtrack, and because I have been really busy, I have been listening to a lot of 80s rock lately (probably early 90s and late 70s too but you get what I mean by that kind of rock right?). The thing about 80s rock is that it is entertaining without being invasive, you don't have to listen to it if you are concentrating but if you want to rock out a little you can, and it makes you life seem SO much more epic because that genre of songs have been based on movies soundtracks so they make you feel like you are participating in a weird slow motion montage of your own, that someone somewhere has decided to emphasize that you are building up to something even if you don't know what.

"Swept her up and off my wavelength

Swallowed her up
Like the ocean in a fire
So thick and grey"

I think today I found a way to channel something I am angry about into something creative, and I am cautiously optimistic about that. Sure, I don't have time to actually do it, but at least I have found another option.

Non-traditional elements

Have I mentioned my love of rock/indie type music with non-traditional elements in it to you? I have? Shut up, I am mentioning it again. Actually, I might not have? I can't find my mention of it, so perhaps I didn't. Ok, so I love music with non-traditional elements in it. Like, rock songs that feature an accordian or a violin or ... I don't know, whatever. I have come to this conclusion by inductive reasoning, and therefore could be COMPLETELY off base about the whole thing, but I do seem to have quite a bit of non-traditional element music in my line up at present. Off the top of my head...

Mumford and sons

Who feature an accordian, a banjo, a mandolin and a string bass in their line up. I am enjoying their music immensely. Favourite band of the moment.

Angus and Julia Stone

Who have non-traditional vocals nailed, along with an undefined assortment of instruments. Also my favourite band of the moment. yeah, shhhh, I know that is cheating!

One Eskimo

Again. Yeah, I know, I am obsessed. But mmmmmmm the horns.

Dave Matthew Band

Violin, and the Sax.

Tom Waits

Non-traditional vocals, and he breaks my heart every damn time.

Adele

Speaking of a broken heart...

Blue October

Violin/viola and mandolin.

Midnight

Ok, it's not actually midnight. It is pushing on 2am infact. I am trying to write the abstract for my thesis seminar and I am just not inspired at all. I am looking about for an epiphany, something that will magically make my work finished so I can go to bed. I could just go to bed, I suppose, but that would be abmitting defeat.

Struggling to write this makes me think about all the other things I am struggling to write. Things that safely live in my bedroom at present where I can't be distracted by them when I should be working. Things that live less safely in my brain...

Focus. Focus, focus, focus, focus, focus.

After great pain a formal feeling comes--
The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
The stiff Heart questions--was it He that bore?
And yesterday--or centuries before?

The feet, mechanical, go round
A wooden way
Of ground, or air, or ought,
Regardless grown,
A quartz contentment, like a stone.

This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived,
As freezing persons recollect the snow--
First chill, then stupor, then the letting go.
~ Emily Dickenson

Disclaimation

I updated the disclaimer, because it has been a while since I did that.

~Disclaimer~

It probably isn't about you. It might have elements of you... most of it is a collage. If you really want to know, ask... I probably won't tell you, but you might feel better. It probably isn't about you. Don't get yourself upset assuming that it is.

Don't jump with both feet into your first impression.

And... please don't take any idea or emotion expressed here as representative of actual ideas or emotion. Because sometimes it's the kind of flame that burns out as soon as it leaves its source, sometimes it is an old wound reopened or just running fingertips over a scar that may or may not be mine, sometimes it's an old thing that has been turned over so many times it has no sharp edges left, sometimes it's a little of the madness, or the echoes of dragons. Sometimes it doesn't mean what you think. And sometimes it does, but how do you tell the difference?

Moving on

I was right. Unpacking items that have been in storage is a lot like christmas, the opening of unidentified boxes and the revealing of unanticipated items, the surprise, the delight, the occasional horror. It's also been excruciating work, physically and emotionally. Living and working around piles of boxes, not knowing where anything is or where anything will go. Finding old loved things and throwing away things that used to hold value. Choosing what should be in boxes and drawers, and then what fits in boxes and draws. Lifting, carrying, and setting down or dropping boxes, only to lift, carry, set down and drop them again sometimes even minutes later. Putting things away only to find somewhere better for them even minutes later. And on top of that dealing with the built in washing machine that is filled with black gunk, and the weird new cupboards, and the worlds slowest drier, and trying to work out how the vents work.

It's almost done. It's starting to feel like home. Of course that also means we are at the hardest bit, trying to force the remaining things to fit, ramping up the culling, playing tetris in life size scale. But there are places now where there are no boxes, where things are roughly where they will stay, where it doesn't look like this was once the home of strangers (with brilliant taste in DVDs). My desk isn't one of those places, it is chaos, but still...

On to the next bit.

Poem : Silence

Silence
by Thomas Hood

There is a silence where hath been no sound,
There is a silence where no sound may be,
In the cold grave - under the deep deep sea
Or in wide desert where no life is found,
Which hath been mute, and still must sleep profound;
No voice is hushed - no life treads silently,
But clouds and cloudy shadows wander free,
That never spoke, over the idle ground:
But in green ruins, in the desolate walls
Of antique palaces, where man hath been,
Though the dun fox, or wild hyena, calls,
And owls, that flit continually between,
Shriek to the echo, and the low winds moan,
There true silence is, self-conscious and alone.

Conversations with a cat (probably part 1)

So I live with two cats. They do not belong to me... nor do I belong to them. They are the cats of my house mates. That said, I am animal people, so I do like the cats. And I am studying, so I am at home a lot. This has lead me to have a vast quantity of onesided conversations with the cats; conversations that become twosided when I relay them to my housemates when they come home from work.
Herein lie re-tellings of common conversations with a cat. Names have been changed to protect the guilty.


Ginger: Oh hey, that looks tasy. You should give me some.
Me: Hunny, this is Weetbix. You wont like it.
Ginger: How do you know? I haven't tried it.
Me: You like meat. This isn't meat. You wont like it.
Ginger: But it looks tasty. You should give me some.
Me: You wont like it.
Ginger: Come on, come on, come on. I love you, now give me some.
Me: Look... Eh, alright, here.
Ginger: OH MY GOD. POISON!!! YOU JUST TRIED TO GIVE ME POISON. WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO POISON ME WITH YOUR EVIL POISON?!?!?!
Me: I told you that you wouldn't...
Ginger: POOOOIIIIISON. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. I... what are you eating?
Me: Still Weetbix.
Ginger: Hey, that looks tasty. You should give me some.
Me: ...



Me: Better close up the house soon, going out in about an hour.
Tortie: Ahahahahehehehehahaha I saw you heading to the door and LOOK now I am outside!
Me: Come inside Miss, I am closing this door.
Tortie: Teeheeheeheeheehahahaha No, I am outside, you can't make me, I am going on an adventure!
Me: Come on kitty.
Tortie: *more giggling* I know what you want but I am ignoring you!
Me: fine *closes the door*
-10 minutes later-
Tortie: Please let me in! PLEASE let me in! I am DYING out here!
Me: Well hello, look who changed her mind.
Tortie: The most terrible thing happened! The door closed, and I couldn't open it, and I was STUCK! Let me in please please I will be a good kitty and love you forever.
Me: *opens door* Ok, in you come.
Tortie: Thanks, I am busting for the litter tray!
Me: *looks at grass in confusion* But... but...



Ginger: Hey, this door is closed, please open it.
Me: No kitty, I'm getting changed, that door needs to be closed.
Ginger: No, but see, it is closed, and I can't open it, so you need to.
Me: Kitty, in a minute ok? I need to get changed.
Ginger: Open it, OPEN IT, open it, open it, OPEN IT. I am dieing, dieing, come on OPEN OPEN OPEN...
Me: Ok ok *opens door half naked*
Ginger: Oh finally, thanks.
Me: bye kitty. *closes door*
Ginger: *almost immediately from other side of the door* Hey, this door is closed, open it.

Moments two : Musical Epiphany.

I love that moment where you find a musician (or band, or even piece of music, you know what I mean) that you have not known of before, or you did not know much of before. And you realise that this musician is musically brilliant, exceptionally talented, and also really speaks to you. And you realise that you may have found a new wonderful music to add to the soundrack that is your life, the jukebox that is your mind (and/or your mp3 player of choice). And generally you then want to tell everyone you know because it is so brilliant and wonderful and inspiring and other positive adjectives. I like to call this moment the external musical epiphany, to differentiate it from the internal musical epiphany; wherein you (usually spontaniously) compose a brilliant piece of music, musical theory, or your musical composition 'comes together'.

So here are some of my best external musical epiphany moments.
hhhhhmmmmmmm, ok, in retrospect, allow me to reclarify that statement. By my best, I don't actually mean my best total, I mean my best non-mainstream moments. Because I am sure that everyone of our sort of generation had one of those moments listening to Led Zepplin, Pink Floyd, The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, Nirvana, U2, Green Day, RHCP etc. Those sort of bands are life changing, genre defining, and highly significant; definately fit into this paradigm. But they are also known by everyone (and if they aren't known to you, stop reading and go listen!), and adding them to the list makes the list longer, but not more interesting or novel. Likewise, I can list a hundred musicians from classical, jazz, blues, folk songs, war and rock'n'roll eras that have been character forming for me, but people these days often don't relate to that kind of music so I am trying to keep that to a minimum. I am hoping that this list might exemplify my point but also introduce some new music into your lives.
Also, I can't really include any music that I haven't listened to for more than a least a year so this isn't a list of the current crazy indie music on my playlist. Maybe I will make a crazy indie playlist some other time.

Old school music
Music your older siblings, your mum and dad... or perhaps your grandparents might know but you might have missed. I am going to cheat here, and add some modern blues and jazz into this section because I figure if you don't like the odd stuff you wont like the new stuff anyways.

Bobby McFerrin. Often refered to as the Don't Worry, Be Happy guy. I heard and took on board the Don't worry, be happy message like I think everyone did, but I have since learnt more about him. The man is amazing. He is a very talented human beatbox, my two favourite examples of this being his Bach 1st Prelude/Ave Maria and I can see clearly now with Judy Donahy though he also sings very well and does some wonderful improvisations. He can performed with some very cool classical musicians. But one particular performance amazed me since I first saw it, and impressed me with the universality of human nature; his demonstration of the power of the pentatonic scale at the 2009 World science festival is very beautiful, clever and insightful.

Duke Ellington. Hearing Caravan for the first time changed my life. I'd never realised how much power jazz music with no lyrics could have, how music alone could create imagry.

Katie Melua. Little girl, big voice, very nice and mellow blues. Particularly her first album as I am not very familiar with her newer ones. I found her at a fairly pivotal time in my life, I was feeling pretty numb and it was a big relief to find something that I had an emotional reaction to.

Jonny Lang. So when I was a teenager... wait, lets begin differently. When I was a child I shared a room with my sister, and our parents used to put on a cassette from our draw full of cassettes for us to listen to as we went to sleep. I can't remember if it was in lieu of a story or what. But, when my sister and I became teenagers and still shared a room this created a bit of a problem, because I liked all sorts of weird and mainstream music, but my sister pretty much just liked everything I didn't and vice versa, so putting on music before bed became an issue. Then we both worked at the opening of a video store and were allowed to take home some of the prizes. We got a stack of posters etc, and one of us (probably my sister since I don't remember... which means I probably shouldn't now have it, but I do...) picked up the cd single of this guy. And it was the only thing we could agree on (which is so daft cause I am pretty sure blues isn't her normal thing at all), so we had the one song play on repeat... No idea how this guy managed to get that voice but it gives me chills.

Modern music
Music from the last 20 years.

One Eskimo. Do love these guys... I first heard them watching Bones on tv, and was so struck by "the song in the background" that I zerged the internet to identify what I had heard. Adapting a classic old song into a classic soulful new song... mmmm love, and they created a theme album, which contains a video for each song telling the story visually as well as musically - so awesome and so rarely done these days. The other songs I have heard from the album are beautiful too.

Jack White. May be a little mainstream nowdays but still... The first time I heard the White Stripes (yes yes, I do remember who first got me onto them) I was blown away, and I continue to be impressed with their simple and yet very energetic and evokative music. I also really like The Raconteurs. I watched this great documentary featuring Jimmy Page, The Edge and Jack White called It might get loud where the three discuss their different methods, backgrounds, inspirations, priorities, projects and sound, and it was really great. I like all three artists, but I think if you didn't like one of them prior you'd come out if not liking at least respecting them. Jack White talked about his favourite song and how really that is what he is trying to emulate, and when you listen back on the White Stripes back catalogue you can actually detect that influence.

Our Lady Peace. One of those bands where you have heard some of the songs before and yet don't realise that they are all by the same artist. Probably my favourite band. I first heard their music at a party at a friends place when I was 16 or 17, and I have loved them ever since, purchased all their albums and have not been disappointed with any of them, though their sound has changed over time. I am a bit old school in my love of concept albums, and these guys have one of my favourites... I tried to write a list of all the reasons I love this band, but basically I love everything about them... except that I have to read their wiki to know when their albums come out when there should be sky writers and billboards.

Great Big Sea. Another band that I first heard at one of our rowdy teen parties and couldn't get enough of. They have these great, quite upbeat, catchy songs. But they have this other side to them, where they play rock versions of traditional sea shanties, some very silly - it reminds me a little of Lonnie Donegan (That blend of part normal and part nonsense). I love that they work traditional instruments like the fiddle, the mandolin and the bodhran. Just learn the words and then TRY not to sing along at the top of your lungs, TRY not to smile when you hear them.

Dropkick Murphys. On a similar note... Celtic punk band, who have a great range of original music with heavy celtic inspiration and some amazing punk covers of traditional celtic songs. They capture the old Irish anger of the rebal music (like the Wolfe Tones) and incorporate traditional irish folk music, and some new expatriate anger. I found them because I am irish. I might love them because I am irish too...

Youtube musicians
I have found a lot of music I really like through Youtube. Music I consider good enough to pay for. I am pretty eclectic so there is a range of course... And given the current trend (Darren Cris, Justin Beibs (I am not linking this...) and Others) potentially the future music section.

Garfunkel and Oates - my favourite comedy duo (if you recognise either of them, it is because they are both actresses as well, Kate is most notable as The Gooch on scrubs; and Riki was (I believe) most hysterical as Ramona, the grad student who bullied Sheldon into working instead of procrastinating. My favourite of their song is Me, You and Steve, though I am also partial to their song Sex with Ducks.

Sons of Admirals - I love these guys independantly, and I love them together. I tried to find a typical example of each. Charlie is mostly a vlogger/comedic musician/teenheart throb. Tom is a little eccentric but totally brilliant. Edd does rock with so much soul it hurts (well in my opinion anyway). Alex is an ideas man, his music is a bit more pop-ish, but very listenable. And they are all involved in each others projects, like Chameleon Circuit and Chartjackers and each others albums which they sell through DFTBA records (a label put together by and exclusively for Youtube musicians).

HeyHiHello! - These guys aren't really in my usual taste, but there is just something about them I really like. Perky, and sweet, and I find myself listening to them over and over.

Moments One : Film Love.

I love that moment when you are watching a movie or tv show and the two characters have that moment of romantic tension... and they don't necessarily work it out or anything but as the observer you know for sure that there is something "THERE" and (because you know it is a tv show/movie) probably these people belong together and will therefore end up together. Unless it is a sneaky twisted tragic chick flick or a complicated tv series and one or the other of them dies or something awful happens, like in Gone with the wind (though she kind of deserves it) or a version of Romeo and Juliet or Aliens ... yeah, you get the idea.

Any good love story tends to have these moments (any bad one is intending to have these moments and failing miserably), and because they are a standard of the cinematic spark

Anyways, as I am on a bit of a downer at the moment, I am thinking about cheerful things, and so here are some of my favourite romantic tension characters/moments. Ones I could find clips for anyways, its hard to explain these things to someone who hasn't seen them without clips.

Starting with a few classics, Casablanca - Rick and Elsa - And yes, this doesn't resolve how you might like but boy is this movie well scripted for tension... the build up is slow but it is beautifully executed; and Cat on a hot tin roof - Maggie the cat and Brick - I love this movie, it is so dysfunctional but so enthralling. If you haven't seen it, they are husband and wife, but their marriage has been damaged in their history and by the start of the movie Brick has agreed to stay with Maggie in a (drunken) non-sexual role. Why do old movies seem so much better written than new ones?

Psych - Shawn and Juliet - "Very close talking" ((2006) (Episode - #2.9) - Bounty Hunters!). This show is awesome and hysterical and if you haven't watched Psych you should because I am really enjoying it for its clever, over educated jokes and great acting and light hearted fun-ness. Anyway, this moment is brilliant and funny whilst maintaining tension which I was impressed with. Shawn and Jules have a great relationship where he flirts with her and he is definately on her radar but she tries to hide that and I want to see where it goes (and I am a season behind so if you ARE up to date, then shhhhhhh).



The Princess Bride - Wesley and Buttercup - and you have probably seen it before anyways, but it's great and must be mentioned. Fairytale of our generation...

Vampire Diaries - Damon and Elena - ok, so this tv show isn't for everyone as while it has lots of hot boys and girls, and lots of drama and gore, it centres around the love triangle created by two brothers who have been vampires for 150 years and who have both fallen in love with the same girl... who is not only completely a danger magnet but is also the dopleganger of the vampire who turned them (and manipulated them and entirely screwed up their relationship with one another etc). Damon is the 'bad' brother (please keep in mind that the truth is more complicated than that), and Elena is (currently) in a relationship with Stephan (the 'good' brother), however the tension between Damon and Elena is far more exciting.



Amelie - Amelie and Nino - bizarrely for a love story they don't have many scenes together, but they do have one of the best ones.

Pride and Prejudice - Darcy and Elizabeth - feature film but particularly the BBC version. Shhhh about the cliche!!!

10 things I hate about you - Patrick and Kat.

And just.... all of Firefly/Serenity. Go watch it already...