grey day

It saddens me how the people who claim to love me most in the world have no qualms about ruining my day... How did I end up with so many people in my life who are happy to off load on to me, and so few who I can talk to?

I started writing here because I had so much I needed to talk about, and no one to talk to. And little by little I told people I care about that it was here, because like most people I don't really want to be talking to the dragons. But so often now when I say anything at all, someone takes it personally or gets upset by it. And I do understand that because people care, theoretically they get upset or hurt when I am. But I don't need empathy really, I am want someone to hear me. Just to know what is going on without getting emotive about it. Because I care about the people in my life too, and when people get upset by my problems I try to make them feel better instead of myself and I end up not talking to them about it. And I can't stop doing that, I have tried.

To use an old metaphor, I have surrounded myself with knights and warriors and lords and amazons... and what I need now is a confidant.
Which is not at all meant to devalue the people I have in my life, the people I love. Because they are wonderful, and make my life amazing, and I wouldn't trade them for a second. And I am sure that many people would offer to be there for me, because my friends are wonderful people. But... I guess, just at the moment, I feel really lonely.

Its ok, it is fixable, I just needed to get it off my chest so I can move past it.

fairness

I have been unfair to her. While there are things about her that I do not like, I have hated her for the wrong reasons. I hated her because I could not bear to blame him for the hurt he caused me.

As she (to my knowledge) does not know I disliked her, there isn't much point in giving this appology to her. It would require too much back story, too much explaination. But I have to make it all the same.

This is my appology to the girl who I have wronged.