Missing

A thing happened (which is unimportant), and I got to thinking as I do.
Sometimes, people in my life go away, for whatever reason... They fall in love, they are searching for the undefinable thing that will make their life "thingish", they dream an impossible dream and it leads them to tilt at windmills far away, whatever...

And it often surprises me how I feel about it.

I have a friend who is far away, who I hadn't seen for a long time before he went but it hurts and I miss him every day. And yet another friend who was an active part of my life who I now haven't spoken to for a long time cause he has other stuff that is more important to him and I expected to be really hurt and miss him heaps but I don't.

I couldn't have anticipated these reactions.

Is it because my distant friend is closer to me, or has been a friend longer? or because I suspect that he is unhappy? or is it that I anticipated my other friend leaving my life? or that I am happier now? Maybe I miss my distant friend so much I don't have room for more?

I guess it isn't important. But I like where my headspace is right now. I have the right people in my life, and the right amount of activity and challenge (I do wish my distant friend would come home though, it would be icing for an already superior cake).
... I have started to write again ... though we will see if anything readable comes of it ...

I am not overly concerned

I have been listening to this song a lot lately. I love this song, I tend to forget and rediscover it with odd regularity. He said (jokingly) he thinks I like it because of the "I am not overly concerned", because I say that a lot. I am sure that it isn't the only reason, but perhaps it resonates with me because he phrases things the way I would? I think I like it just because it is beautiful... But I liked his observation all the same.


Different he - said some really intuitive things... again... and I remembered how I always forget how much he amazes me because we laugh and have fun and then he says something that stuns me because he is so intelligent and so perceptive and I think he deliberately hides that sometimes and then we are laughing again about something that no one else gets and then he is gone and I never know when or if I will see him again and the things he said swirl around in my head and make me laugh randomly and strangers look at me oddly. It is like we are on the same wavelength. I don't feel like know him well enough to like him as much as I do, but I do... I adore him. And that isn't like me, especially nowdays, time is only making me more jaded and distant. But I never see him under my own power, and he never seeks me out. It's like some kind of magic and if you look too closely it might disappear. But I am so glad of him, because perhaps just for the reason that he is so intermitantly in my life, he makes me feel happy and special when he acts like nothing has changed even though it has been years. He makes me feel like we are very close, and like I am important to him, even though all the evidence is to the contrary. For him, more than anyone else in the world, I just suspend my disbelief entirely. Perculiar.

I also really like this song; I would like it anyway, because bittersweet is something I am inclined to, but you can probably pic why I might be a little biased to it.