breeding larvae
disease resistance
nutrition
predator deterance
AND... ?? I need one more
"This years love it better last, heaven knows its high time."
To explain the mathematics of inbreeding depression and genetic rescue or not, that is the question.
Have I gone into enough detail about the problems with genetic rescue?
They say that you have to choose between what is right and what is easy... I must be right, cause SHE is EASY.
oh god, I hope the information for the presentation is quick to find, because I haven't started and I dont' really have time for it. I think I can manage. I think I can.
"She had excuses and she chose to use them"... ... "I don't predict the future, I don't care about the past."
mmmmmmmmmmmmm Pizza
Type, type, type, type, type, type.
FOCUS
"Are you scared of your own sin?"
Nervous, which is dumb. Hopeful, which is also silly.
"To live when you think you are dying, to love when you feel like crying, to stand when you think you are going to fall, its just fear after all."
*edited to quote other peoples voices*
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
sunshine
Today has not been the paramount of days. An early start led to a meeting which has left me with even more work to do before Monday, and I am more than concerned at how far behind I am with one essay incomplete and another unstarted and now this presentation to prepare and my weekend was looking to be filled with social obligations that I may not be able to attend. A muscle in my eye has begun to twitch. I anticipate a lack of sleep in my future.
I am listening to Jeff Buckley - I know it's over. A song that usually makes me melencoly.
Perhaps it is the sunlight that has been more invasive than normal, perhaps it is the attention and love I recieved today, perhaps it is a lapse into insanity, perhaps it is finding the perfect words to sum up how I feel for once.
It shouldn't be possible.
And yet, in this moment, I am happy.
I am listening to Jeff Buckley - I know it's over. A song that usually makes me melencoly.
Perhaps it is the sunlight that has been more invasive than normal, perhaps it is the attention and love I recieved today, perhaps it is a lapse into insanity, perhaps it is finding the perfect words to sum up how I feel for once.
It shouldn't be possible.
And yet, in this moment, I am happy.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
geometry
I feel like I have come full circle. I am about where I was this time last year in many ways. It is hard to believe that so much has happened in my life between now and then, and yet so little.
This time last year I was so busy I could barely breathe, just like now.
I felt lonely, like I do now, and yet my life was/is filled with people. The amount of people that are in my life in a 'real' sense may have doubled, but just like then, I feel a little like they fill up my time but there isn't any depth. I still have the same few, wonderful, close friends that I had then. This year I feel that I spend more time with those people, and that makes me happy.
as before, it seems that people come and go in my life, and it isn't always the people who I would expect who make the choice to stay. The number of people that I have stayed in touch with from Hamilton surprises and delights me. I am always saddened by the people who leave. I always take it personally, for some reason. Like I can help if a person falls in love and falls away, or finds the climate of a distant land more inviting. I have been looking at relationships as needs based lately, trying a different perspective... I guess that everyone has needs, and we retain the relationships with the people who meet our needs, and whose needs we meet; when someone leaves, it is just they don't need anything from me any more, and I have been replaced. I can accept that. I can let go. A few tears will not drown me.
A disturbing proportion of my friends are falling in love and into relationships with people I don't consider worthy of them just like last year. Like last year, I set about to avoid these friends, not out of malice but out of charity. I know I am burning too hot right now and I hate being rude, but I am not feeling tolerant.
Just like last year, I am unsure of myself. I feel that I have fallen in the deep end, and that sink or swim is upon me. I am uncertain of my choices, and I do not want to fail.
Like last year, I do not trust.
The difference for me is that this year, I am happy where I am. Sure, many things have gone very differently to how I wanted. Tears have fallen, and disappointments cut deep. But I am happy.
*cut to the cheesy ending*
"But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round"
The circle of life by Elton John
ahahaha
maybe not
More of a grateful dead kind of girl myself... The wheel
"The wheel is turning and you can't slow down,
You can't let go and you can't hold on,
You can't go back and you can't stand still,
If the thunder don't get you then the lightning will."
This time last year I was so busy I could barely breathe, just like now.
I felt lonely, like I do now, and yet my life was/is filled with people. The amount of people that are in my life in a 'real' sense may have doubled, but just like then, I feel a little like they fill up my time but there isn't any depth. I still have the same few, wonderful, close friends that I had then. This year I feel that I spend more time with those people, and that makes me happy.
as before, it seems that people come and go in my life, and it isn't always the people who I would expect who make the choice to stay. The number of people that I have stayed in touch with from Hamilton surprises and delights me. I am always saddened by the people who leave. I always take it personally, for some reason. Like I can help if a person falls in love and falls away, or finds the climate of a distant land more inviting. I have been looking at relationships as needs based lately, trying a different perspective... I guess that everyone has needs, and we retain the relationships with the people who meet our needs, and whose needs we meet; when someone leaves, it is just they don't need anything from me any more, and I have been replaced. I can accept that. I can let go. A few tears will not drown me.
A disturbing proportion of my friends are falling in love and into relationships with people I don't consider worthy of them just like last year. Like last year, I set about to avoid these friends, not out of malice but out of charity. I know I am burning too hot right now and I hate being rude, but I am not feeling tolerant.
Just like last year, I am unsure of myself. I feel that I have fallen in the deep end, and that sink or swim is upon me. I am uncertain of my choices, and I do not want to fail.
Like last year, I do not trust.
The difference for me is that this year, I am happy where I am. Sure, many things have gone very differently to how I wanted. Tears have fallen, and disappointments cut deep. But I am happy.
*cut to the cheesy ending*
"But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round"
The circle of life by Elton John
ahahaha
maybe not
More of a grateful dead kind of girl myself... The wheel
"The wheel is turning and you can't slow down,
You can't let go and you can't hold on,
You can't go back and you can't stand still,
If the thunder don't get you then the lightning will."
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