anti-compromise

Ok, so the thing is...

I knew, when I decided to undertake postgrad study, that I was giving up a lot.
I signed up for not having a life, not seeing my friends, not having free time that wasn't accounted for, not playing the games I enjoy, not having time to get in contact with the people I love, not having the time I want to spend on recreational pursuits, not sleeping, not having time to read for enjoyment and not having any money. I knew all that. And I willingly signed up for it. I was happy with that trade, and I thought the prize was worth the cost. I put my name on the dotted line in blood.

BUT

I went through that contract 3 times over, with a fine toothed comb... so fine toothed FLOUR can't get through this thing. And not once, NOT ONCE, did it say any damn thing about me having to give up Saint Patricks Day.

And nothing but strong language will suffice here.
Language too strong to type.
Language that can only be drowned in a glass of guinness.
There will be hell to pay for this, and I will be taking it out on the only thing I can - My liver. Liver, come Friday, you better forget you never knew what water was.

Ahhhh, yeah, so, Happy St Pattys to the rest of you lucky sods.

Self-acceptance

So it was really cool, the other day I ran into two friends on the same day, completely unplanned. I love being home!
Anyway, one of my friends was talking about "the day she realised she liked who she was" - in her car coming home from a guys house.
And it made me think about self-acceptance. So now I am going to muse at you! :D

So, to clarify my thoughts I guess; first, you achieve self awareness - where you realise who you are and what you are like (as a person, friend, lover, worker, etc and as seperate to your family, friends, aquiantances, job i.e. finding individuality (and this does not preclude lieing to yourself, unfortuantely the self aware are just as human as any one else)), and after that you can achieve self-acceptance - where you know who you are and you like it! Self-acceptance doesn't necessarily imply not wanting to change some things about yourself, we aren't talking about people who think they are perfect (those people have their own problems), more that you wont "self loathe" if you don't manage to implement change on the features of yourself you find less ideal.
I know a lot of people, and many of those people talk to me about the most bizarre things, so I know that several of the people I know, who are at the same age as me, have not gotten to the point of self-acceptance. Quite a few of them haven't gotten to self knowledge, but that is life for you. And I will admit that my friend who is at self-acceptance, at least superficially she doesn't have much that most people wouldn't be able to accept.

I am rambling.

Anyway, I guess I have two things to say on the subject.
The first thing is that generally, I think people assume that they are self-aware and self-accepting, and they don't put the effort into it that they should - and then later they surprise themselves, and have to lie to themselves to get back into the persona they make for themselves. And they have to go far from the people who love them to explore who they are (or try on a new persona).
The second thing is that whenever I think I am self aware, and self-accepting, I think of something really daft I have done and I wonder... I think I became self aware very early on, pre my teens, because I didn't fit in anywhere and I needed to know why. And I think I reached self-acceptance when I turned down a guy who liked me and the guy had a go at me for it. I did some strange things in the wake of that self-acceptance...
But I lost it again when someone I trusted betrayed me. I doubted everything and everyone, and I had to work so hard to get back to the point where I didn't hate who I was.

Self-acceptance doesn't seem to kill dragons. But it does stop me from feeling so much like the dragons will drag me down.