giggling

This isn't in my usual vein of thought, but a friend posted this as her facebook status, and I felt I had to share it.

"There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub."

Apparently it is a quote by Louis CK, who is an American stand-up comedian, Emmy-winning screenwriter, actor, producer and director (according to wikipedia).

I read this and nearly fell off my chair.
Guess I have always been a woman...

and also
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

the weather

It is SO HOT!
I usually try to talk about something more substantial than the weather. Which is because I usually try to THINK about something more substantial than the weather. BUT IT IS SO HOT!
Currently my mind is not acting in its usual capacity. It's behaving much less like a bizzare medeival museum/library with its own open-plan labratory and the worlds best stocked jukebox, and much more like a cool place to hang out that has been closed down because IT IS SO HOT and everyone is kind of hanging around outside unsure of where else to go.

Pre-meltdown, I was thinking about the people I knew and how much they have changed. This train of thought came to me some time ago when I had a conversation with someone I met years ago and haven't seen in half a decade. I had been repeatedly assured that he had changed, and I think he has, though perhaps not as much as my friends claimed, he definately presented himself better than he once did. I think I have changed too though, I feel I was much more open minded than I would have been going into this meeting than I would have if it had been years ago. Which was a jolt for me, because I guess I don't see myself as changing very much, in my mind everyone else has changed so much and I haven't really. I guess those changes have happened much more imperceptively because I lived through them. And so I have been trying to remember what everyone else was like back then... what I was like back then. And a little bit, whether I have changed in a good way or a bad way or both. It is hard though, I am not at a good angle to look backwards like that. I don't have the right perspective... it is hard to imagine, remember, to pin-point your own innocence, and nievity... and I was. How do you conjure your own trust, and blind faith, and optimism? How can you comprehend the things that seemed so important. Some things I don't think you can ever really get back.

And I wonder if some of the people who have changed would have liked or understood the person they have changed into.
And I wonder if I would have liked or understood the person I have become, and the life I have chosen. And I am a tiny bit scared that someone who knew me back then would misunderstand who I am now.

But mostly, I am thinking about how hot it is, and how nice going to sleep in a nice cool bed would be. Alas, it is not to be. I might not like to be cold, but there is no feeling as suffocating, as trapping as being hot with nothing to do about it.

psychotic break

Oh god.
what am I doing??

I can't do this, I am not able to do this, I am not qualified to do this. How did I even get myself into this position???

I am never going to make it. I am such a fraud. :(

watch this space

no, really, watch it carefully... it might explode.
Damn it, it's like some crazy kind of writers block... in which I have plenty to say, but can't actually get around to typing it out. I am working on it though... next few days, I will say something... or something...