Conversations with a cat (probably part 1)

So I live with two cats. They do not belong to me... nor do I belong to them. They are the cats of my house mates. That said, I am animal people, so I do like the cats. And I am studying, so I am at home a lot. This has lead me to have a vast quantity of onesided conversations with the cats; conversations that become twosided when I relay them to my housemates when they come home from work.
Herein lie re-tellings of common conversations with a cat. Names have been changed to protect the guilty.


Ginger: Oh hey, that looks tasy. You should give me some.
Me: Hunny, this is Weetbix. You wont like it.
Ginger: How do you know? I haven't tried it.
Me: You like meat. This isn't meat. You wont like it.
Ginger: But it looks tasty. You should give me some.
Me: You wont like it.
Ginger: Come on, come on, come on. I love you, now give me some.
Me: Look... Eh, alright, here.
Ginger: OH MY GOD. POISON!!! YOU JUST TRIED TO GIVE ME POISON. WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO POISON ME WITH YOUR EVIL POISON?!?!?!
Me: I told you that you wouldn't...
Ginger: POOOOIIIIISON. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. I... what are you eating?
Me: Still Weetbix.
Ginger: Hey, that looks tasty. You should give me some.
Me: ...



Me: Better close up the house soon, going out in about an hour.
Tortie: Ahahahahehehehehahaha I saw you heading to the door and LOOK now I am outside!
Me: Come inside Miss, I am closing this door.
Tortie: Teeheeheeheeheehahahaha No, I am outside, you can't make me, I am going on an adventure!
Me: Come on kitty.
Tortie: *more giggling* I know what you want but I am ignoring you!
Me: fine *closes the door*
-10 minutes later-
Tortie: Please let me in! PLEASE let me in! I am DYING out here!
Me: Well hello, look who changed her mind.
Tortie: The most terrible thing happened! The door closed, and I couldn't open it, and I was STUCK! Let me in please please I will be a good kitty and love you forever.
Me: *opens door* Ok, in you come.
Tortie: Thanks, I am busting for the litter tray!
Me: *looks at grass in confusion* But... but...



Ginger: Hey, this door is closed, please open it.
Me: No kitty, I'm getting changed, that door needs to be closed.
Ginger: No, but see, it is closed, and I can't open it, so you need to.
Me: Kitty, in a minute ok? I need to get changed.
Ginger: Open it, OPEN IT, open it, open it, OPEN IT. I am dieing, dieing, come on OPEN OPEN OPEN...
Me: Ok ok *opens door half naked*
Ginger: Oh finally, thanks.
Me: bye kitty. *closes door*
Ginger: *almost immediately from other side of the door* Hey, this door is closed, open it.