"It's just an object. Doesn't mean what you think."

It makes me sad that you are in love with her, and I know it.
It makes me sad that you won't tell me.
It makes me sad that you said you wouldn't make a choice and you did.
It makes me sad that you said you wouldn't get sick of me and you did.
It makes me sad that you pretend.
It makes me sad that you don't have time for me any more.
It makes me sad that I am not worth the effort.
It makes me sad that I was starting to feel really good about myself.
It makes me sad that you are lovely, and she is awful, and doesn't deserve you, and nothing I say or do will make you realise that.
It makes me sad that it changed... and that you might not even realise that it has.
It makes me sad that I am so expendable, so discardable, that I am not worth more to you.
It makes me sad that you don't tell me what is going on.
It makes me sad that the emotional side of me wants something that the practical side of me knows is impossible.
It makes me sad that I was so happy.
It makes me sad that no choice I make, no action I take, no word I say will change a gorram thing.
It makes me sad that I keep on hurting myself just because I don't want to admit that the time has come to find some distance.
It makes me sad that every time you pay me the least bit of attention I go right back to thinking you are amazing and then have to deal with losing you all over again.
It makes me sad that time changes everything...
It makes me sad that I am not who I once was.
It makes me sad that I started to believe you.
It makes me sad that I told you I thought I would regret it and I do.
It makes me sad that I can't feel the way I want to, even though I feel like I should be able to control it somehow.
It makes me sad that I am not stronger.
It makes me sad that I am not wiser.
It makes me sad that I am not more resiliant.
It makes me sad that I am not more...
It makes me sad that I am sad now... and that I know that one way or another I will be happy again, and then sad again and so on.
It makes me sad that I want to hold onto this feeling in the hopes it will stop me from getting hurt again.
It makes me sad that I don't have my cds right when I need my music so that I can dance and scream and grieve.


When you go - Johnathan Coulton

There in the frame of your face in the cast of your eyes
I saw this coming but still I am caught by surprise
All of this time I knew
That I’d be losing you
That doesn’t mean that it’s okay
That doesn’t mean I’m ready