sinking

Sometimes, in life, we hurt the people we care about.
A lot of the time it is accidental. It is in the words that we say when we haven't thought them all the way through, the baby promises we break, the small and unimportant lies we tell, and sometimes, just through honesty.
Today, I feel like I hurt people too often. I tell the truth when I shouldn't, I think. Little things like "I am going to do X" rather than "I don't feel like company", "I need to cook dinner/wash my hair/go over the road for X" instead of "you have upset and hurt me, go away". If I told more small acceptable lies, my life would be easier, and I think that the people in my life would be happier.
Would you be happier if I didn't tell you?" Would you be happier if I pretended?

Sometimes I have bad days. Nothing specific happened, really, and yet here I am. I didn't communicate well and I hurt someone I didn't want to hurt. And I feel like I should add again to that sentence. Life is getting better, but slowly, I am scared of where I am going as well as where I have come from. I don't know what I am doing...

I am so overwhelmed, by things outside of my control, I am nearly inventing new things to be upset about just so that I can fix them again. In my life, right now, I need to feel like something is my choice... because for too long, the world has made all my choices for me.

I want to talk to you... I want to tell you all the things I am thinking, even the things that I haven't told anyone. But I also don't want to talk to you, ever again. I think you would be happier really, I think that way I wouldn't hurt you.
I break things... even if you don't believe it.