About how we hurt the people we care about. About how it is easy to hurt the people who care about us because they will be more forgiving. About hurting people who hurt us, about vindictiveness, about justice, about self preservation.
About how guys will screw anything, and how if the girl displays any interest then the guy will jump endlessly in the hopes of getting over all the hoops and bars she has laid out for him so that she agrees to sleep with him. And that I hate the kind of girls who put out hoops and bars, I have none of my own and I think the girls who do are a waste of space. And that I get frustrated with the kind of guys who will spend all their lives jumping to sleep with girls that they aren't even all that interested in to begin with - even to the point of hurting the people they care about. And therefore when it is someone I care about, the automatic reaction is either to attempt to put out my own hoops and bars, seeing as how the person seems to like them so much - to make them prove themselves to me instead, and how that puts me into competition and makes me miserable; or alternately to wash my hands of the entire thing. About how I often end up feeling that people value the ones in their life who make them work for it with arbitary hoops and bars, and find it easy to put me on the back burner because I don't require "as much work"... which makes me feel worthless.
About communication, and why it is so painful when you try to communicate something important to you to someone important, and they don't care or don't listen or don't understand... or nothing changes. About that feeling of frustration, despair, frustration, rejection.
About selfishness and self-centredness. About imbalenced relationships. About manipulation.
About "shy" (read RUDE) people who hold the power because they make a person feel especially good about themselves because they interact only with a select few. About how they do it that way because it is less work, and because it gives them power. About how they hold those relationships by responding to the extreme to any attention, giving more than they are asked, making their target feel exceptional and then disappearing for a while to make their target miss them and find others shallow in comparison, and then reappearing and giving to the extreme again... and then withdrawing those extremes slowly till their target will go to great lengths to get that level of reaction (or any reaction) again. About how it feels to be the target of that sort of attention, about why it works so effectively.
About youth, and misgivings, and regrets, and maturity.
About various forms of friendships. About the lines between friendship and "romantic relationships". About sex, and what it means and it's level of importance in our lives. About experience, and experiences. About magnetism and chemistry.
About choices. About why people make their choices. About my choices. About what choices I have. About my instincts, and whether I should trust them. About standing by, about trying again (and again and again), about giving up, about disappearing.
About a mistake I almost made when I was feeling secure and stupid and "brave", and about why I didn't make that mistake, and about why I feel good about that now that events have cause the situation to shift. About how sometimes things work about better than we expect, for unlikely reasons. About how pain can also have a bright side, when you look at it from another perspective.
About my low self-esteem and whether that is the cause of most of my problems. I don't believe people actually like me, and I end up feeling very hurt when people seem to be proving me right. And about how I build these really intense friendships with people - I'd do anything for my friends, I would kill for them, die for them, give them the shirt off my back and all my money, pour out my heart and soul, move mountains and travel vast distances, be there any time, even in the middle of the night. And most people don't understand that intensity, they don't return it, or else they are frightened by it, or they misunderstand it. The people who come out the other side, I believe that they love me... though I might not always believe they like me.
About whether or not people in general or people specific (but herein un-named) miss me, or will miss me, or would miss me.
About how sometimes we can not explain why people are close to us, why people are important to us. Sometimes people just stand out like colours before a storm, and sometimes we can barely have spoken to someone and yet we know we care about them. Sometimes we have no reason to trust the people we trust, or love the people we love.
About insecurity. About jealousy. About the differences.
About how people don't understand me, and usually don't put in the effort to.
About my guitar, and guitaring, and song selection, and barr chords. About amps.
About first person shooters, and pvp.
Thank you for that talk. It helps to feel like someone is actually listening, and cares about how I feel.
What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me?
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