Hard things

Today I did the hardest thing. The thing that I have been saying I should do for a long time now, and I said it more when I got stressed, and then still more when I got sick, but today I did it (or rather, completed doing it). I left my job. I am signing up to study.
Its huge, and I am terrified. Far more terrified than I am excited, despite what I say. As of today, I stepped away from the boring, stable, predictable life, and now I am unemployed, and the future is rising in front of me... and I have no idea what is coming.
And yet I am holding onto my tiller, and breathing "bring me that horizon". But I don't look like Captain Jack... more is the pity!

My thought of the day is - pain tells us we are hurt. We put our hand into the fire, and it hurts, which tells us if we keep up our action our skin will blister and melt till it is unrepairable.
So what is emotional pain? Does the "heart" do the same thing when we are hurt by the words and deeds of the people we love?
I have been burnt many times in my life, I am resilient, but I also try to anticipate and even avoid those situations.
If someone hurts you, and you are hurt, and then the feeling eases and fades, does it mean the injury is gone, has healed? does it mean that you have forgiven them or dealt with the cause of the pain? or does it mean that you have moved yourself emotionally away from that fire... that person? Is it better to fade away?

I am sad about work, I am sad about saying good bye to my friends, and the people who have been my life for two years. It was hard, and painful.
Don't worry, I am ok. But I laughed as much as cried today.
I am sure that it wouldn't be so funny if it happened to me, of course, but I had to laugh.
And I think... I think that means I am healing, rather than fading now. Of course, I might have faded too far to ever recover, I might have hurt to much to feel beloved by this friend. And it might not ever be the same again. But if I can laugh, who knows how far I can go. Laughter and hope, hand and hand in the sunshine over the sea.

Bring me that horizon.